Article of The week… when you are going through an awakening how to do you know when to trust?

It’s not a surprise that many of us are going through big spiritual awakenings and rebirths, no matter what our current situation is, single, in a relationship, have just become a mother or father for the first time, or a grandma or grandpa! We are fast learning that the world is rapidly changing.

I had my first big awakening in 2012, where I changed my name by deed poll to Nellie Bell. I was so lost, I didn’t know who I was anymore, so I created someone, I figure of my imagination at first, someone I was yet to meet and become. I was so far removed from where I “should” have been, I felt I had no other way of getting back. Instead of going back, I moved forward. In a way that may have seemed very crazy to my family and friends. But to me, it was a matter of life or death. I got off social media, I separated myself from society and went into prayer and meditation for about 7 – 8 months while a taught music in London High Schools. I even stopped talking to my mum! At first it was difficult, I felt alone and scared of the outside world. I had stopped watching TV and reading the newspapers. My dad would ask me, “How did you get the facts in life?” and “How did you know what to do?” and I would answer, “my inner voice told me what to do”.

At first I was like a baby learning how to walk. My only teacher and guide, being me and my spiritual teacher. I learnt how to journal during this time, and connected to what I know, as my higher self, but back then, we didn’t have names for this kind of thing, we just did it as part of our practice, and part of the learning, because it’s completely natural to connect to your higher self. It just sounds funny, to say this because who and what exactly is our higher self? The only way to really know, is to stop and listen. I had so much noise going on in my head that the silence became deafening. My wrists and throat started to choke up and I would have dreams about me performing around town but losing my rhythm or not making it to the gig. I would go back to my spiritual teacher and I would say “I feel like my head is screaming, make it stop”. We practiced some beautiful meditations together, and slowly the noises of other people’s voices went away. I started to hear my own voice. Nobody was telling me what to do anymore, apart from me and my new persona, Nellie Bell. I started sharing these meditation with the kids at school and they loved it so much!!!

I could see Nellie Bell, and her desires. They were hard to balance at first because I felt so free, I was like a teenager again, doing what ever I wanted. Nobody knew me, I was Nellie Bell. You couldn’t search for me online, I was not part of the matrix. It felt so liberating. I stumbled and I met some weirdos haha, but it was all for the greater mission that was headed my way. I just didn’t know it at the time.

Fast forward to 2017, where I had one of my biggest major shifts and calling to become a spiritual teacher and healer, which did not come easy. I felt alienated. Like nobody understood. I mean I was seeing spirits and stopped eating meat and drinking red wine. I would pray to Krishna, Buddha, Jesus and God, and the old Natalie Rose Gauci was there somewhere. I was living in Melbourne in a house where there were a lot of pictures of Shamans and Native American Indians. It was no surprise that I met my shamanic teacher on a bus! I had $900 to my name and I was writing my autobiography. I had just purchased a publishing contract with Balboa Press and was writing a children’s course about creating your Destiny. I felt I had created something so special over the years, that I wanted to share it with the children. Our OWN dreams and creations are so important, it is what helps us understand who we are and why we are here. I was stuck, I asked for help and guidance to finish my course for the kids, and boom, I bump into my Shaman! I had no idea I was going to meet him, or become a shamanic healer. I knew I had to do this course. I knew that he was going to help me find a better way to share ad communicate my message. Before this I sounded a bit like a hooky hippy. I was hesitant, the voice inside my head said “No” it tried to stop me, tell me I don’t have enough money, that I couldn’t afford it. Well I didn’t let that stop me, I paid half up front and half at the end, and I had $33 left in my bank account, but I trusted that more money would come, and it did. It was scary at the time, but I pushed through it. If you’re wondering what kind of work we do. It’s healing through God. We become the vessel to work through him to help people with deep emotional aches and pains. It’s extremely powerful. People would say Jesus was a shaman. I see him a lot in my energy work that I do.

It is ultimately love we feel and that we search for that is real, that we can trust. That we would move mountains for. That remains with us for eternity. Do the things that make your heart sing and dance, because life is just too short for worry. Live your dreams no matter how hard they may seem. Your children will learn from this and follow in your footsteps. Trust in the universe and what it has in store for you. Now is the time to break free from old restraints and move forward with confidents!

I am giving a way a free tarot deck pack, when I get to 100 subscribers on my youtube channel, please share my link below and this could be yours.

If you would like to move forward with confidents, here is a meditation, from #MeditationMondays, from my youtube channel, which is preparation for next week, The Guyratri Mantra, the sounds of the universe.


Sunday 18th November WORKSHOP

I will be running a workshop at ZEN, in Staten Island, New York.

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